Fictitious News

Nick Jonas, Unintentional Serial Killer

With fifteen fatalities in the USA alone, police and officials are working on their next move to secure Nick Jonas (23), formerly of the successful boy band Jonas Brothers.

In a statement made by Florida coroner Sally Smithfield, she pointed the finger directly at Jonas, “I have examined two of the victims. I have never seen anything like it. It looks like they were drugged, [their] pupils had exploded. In both cases, the Nick Jonas video “Levels” was playing on repeat on their computers.”

Neuroscientists and psychologists are frantically studying the video, connecting the pieces as to how the sound and imagery are coming together to “unintentionally” affect the brain. Max Weinstock of the University of Minnesota stated: “I am urging all broadcasting medias to stop pushing this video forward. Children are dying all over the world!”

Team Jonas was quick to respond to the allegations in the following statement: “Nick is distraught over the loss of his fans. Unfortunately the intellectual property of this video is not his to shut down. He is planning a private “Bro-nas” weekend for each male fan that may have been affected. He urges female fans to talk to each other about their experiences.”

The video below of Nick Jonas’ video is to be viewed at your own risk:



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