Fictitious News

Vatican Seeks Royalties for Christmas Movies

The Vatican has announced today that they will be seeking compensation for the multitudes of Christmas movies that have infringed upon their brand. Dubbed “Christgate”, the move has many wondering who will be next.

The Vatican is seeking $1.5 billion (CAD) in restitution for Hollywood movies and television that have not served to keep Christ in Christmas. Cardinal Luke Murphy was recorded saying, “…those who give gifts at Christmas are polluting the name of our Lord and saviour.”

Hollywood moguls are watching their phones for notice of their connection in the matter. Toy heavyweights such as Mattel are worrying about charges of collusion under international law. Product placement has been a long standing tradition in both film and television. If toy manufacturers are brought into the lawsuit, they may be on the hook for an additional $1 billion (CAD).

Schools across North America are cancelling Christmas pageants in fear of further prosecution. Sarah Tilden, spokesperson for Vancouver based organization K.O.C. (Keeping Out Christ), stated that while she did not support the Vatican, she was in favour of less religious based winter activities, “I always loved winter…but why do people have to bring their god into it?”

Protestant churches have dismissed the Vatican’s allegations as one more in a long line of complaints. Preacher Cletus Cornibiere reminds the Vatican of the true meaning of Christmas, the celebration of a culturally appropriated pagan festival.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.