Many people ask me what type of event is cuff-link appropriate. My answer is usually, “try thinking about when they are inappropriate, and do the opposite”; however, I thought I would share my infinite wisdom on the subject. Here are times when cuff-links are not in your best interest:
Hiding from the Authorities – Cuff-links make people memorable. When I am avoiding capture, I prefer to keep my cuff-links in the drawer. Sometimes survival trumps my need to look amazing. Cuff-links make the statement: “Look at me and remember!”. In these instances the only statement I want to make is my alibi.
Asking Your In-laws for Money – Individuals who wear cuff-links are thought of as doing well. Sporting flashy links will let your in-laws know that you are spending your money on looking great, instead of on the gas bill. You do not want your in-laws to think twice about who is caring for their little girl. Leave your cuff-links at home and consider dressing like a member of Grouplove. Their one-foot-still-in the-gutter-chic will foster empathy. Better to have them think you are poor and trying, than a great looking spendthrift.
Working Out at the Gym – Seriously? If I have to tell you this, you are taking the gym experience in the wrong direction. Certainly that special someone could be at the gym, but they should be impressed by what you can do, not what you are wearing. Plus there is a reason you do not see anyone else dressed like you: how is that long sleeve shirt working for you on the elliptical?
At War – Those new cuff-links may make you stand out in the mess hall, but one stray sun beam could make you the target of a sniper. If you must wear cuff-links, try neutral tones. Otherwise, you might as well paste a target on your chest. You will be that noticeable. Twist this around by sending the enemy a free box of cuff-links to give your squadron an advantage. Why not boost your career in the military?
During Surgery – Doctors, please only wear short sleeved scrubs in surgery. We all fear that your links will both distract the nurses, and could get caught on our vital organs during surgery. Lawsuit aside, why increase your workload to search for lost cuff-links in patients after surgery. We all want you to look and feel good, but I also want to wake up after the anaesthesia has worn off.
I hope this has provided a framework for the cuff-link endowed, and the cuff-link hopefuls. Brandishing cuff-links will certainly improve your look and mood, but think twice about where you wear them. Looking great is not worth dying alone or a jail cell!